Business Networking Advice

 

 

Business networking domination

It is a common saying that it is about who you know. So if you are not born with knowing important business people and investors, you may feel like you have no chance to make it in business.

In fact, you don't need to be born into business to make it. You can easily meet the right people if you network properly, and give the right impression.

First, you need to find events that have a lot of the type of people you want to meet. Furthermore, when you go to these events it is important to make connections with everyone because you never know who they might know that can help you. Some of the places that you may consider going include professional networking events, Business events on meet up, chambers of commerce or even cold approaching everywhere you go.

Now, it's important to give the right first impression. This includes having good hygiene, dressing up properly for the event, and having the right body language and tonality to convey a level of professionalism.

And easy way to start a conversation with anyone, anywhere, anyplace is to ask an appropriate question. Like, do you know who is sponsoring this event? Do you know when this event ends? Then, you can immediately change the topic with a follow-up question. How did you guys hear about this event? Have you been to a similar event like this before? The trick is after every question continue a conversation about that question for 1 to 3 minutes before moving onto the next question. That way, they do not feel like they are being interviewed with a barrage of questions.

Ask the person for their contact information before leaving. You can simply asked them do you have a business card? If they do not, then ask them what is the best way to keep in touch with them whether it is an email address, LinkedIn, or cell phone number. Follow up with them, see how you can offer each other value, and build your network organically reaching more and more people through more events, referrals and just putting yourself out there.
 

 

Business Networking Domination

 

1. Before the Venue

There is a routine that I go through prior to heading out for the night.  The night starts by picking either a prospect rich venue or any venue I know will have 10’s (as many venues have none).  I call or text my friends to join me along with my wings and pivots.  I decide which wings and which pivots to take according to the venue that I’m going to and what my goals are for the night.  My routine to get ready to venue includes putting on my contacts, taking a shower, shaving, putting gel in my hair, brushing my teeth, spraying deodorant, putting on cologne, and picking out my clothes that are appropriate for the venue.  Now I’m ready for a full night.

Optimize your time by picking the right venue and going on the best nights of the week.  You should have several venues that you go to so that you won’t be running into the same groups every week.  Figure out how you can save yourself some money and time by getting on the guest list or going to the venues that are free.

Another way to save yourself some money is to get to know the promoters or the staff that work at the venue and can help you get in, often for free.

Making friends with promoters/bouncers is done the same way as you would make friends anywhere else. The important part is that when you talk to them you come off like a friend and not like you want something from them.  If you can’t get into the venue, you can almost always bribe the bouncer at the front entrance to let you in as a last resort.  Be discreet and slip him a $20 bill.

1. Style

Go to the mall periodically to make sure you are up on fashion. You do not have necessarily buy anything, just try things on.  Another way to approach fashion is to copy the mannequins in the store window or copy the clothes that the guys with all the prospects in the venues wear. When you put your outfit together for the night, it should be cool, clean, congruent with your personality, and should have that least one item that stands out to draw attention from prospects like a pendant chain.  You can check-out and try on styles at high-end stores and then buy similar styles at cheaper stores, online stores, or thrift shops.

1. Getting into State

I often get asked how I get into state prior to the venue. A lot of the time the problem lies in the student viewing going out in the wrong way. I’ve heard some students say that going out to meet people is like work to them and when they are in the venue.  Going out to meet people should be a fun endeavor and the venue should be a place that gets you into state.  There are, however, some tricks you can do to help bring up your mood even before you get into the venue.  This includes being talkative to people you are going to the venue with, blasting music in your car that pumps you up, having a positive attitude about the fun you are about to have during the night, and starting out the night with warm-up groups.

The first three groups of the night are warm-up.  These are throwaway groups that are simply used to get you into state.  The easiest way to lose state is waiting in an hour-long line prior to getting into the venue.  The way I solve this problem is to begin my warm up groups while I am in line.  It’s my rule that I always talk to the group in front of me in line and behind me in line at every venue.  I will talk to the groups in front and behind me regardless if they are guys, prospects, or mixed groups.  Guys can introduce you to prospects in the venue or act as a temporary wing for the night.  Prospects and mixed groups will be open to talking while they are bored in line.  Their shields are down while they are in line and in fact game in line is more similar to day game.  Furthermore, if you befriend the group in front and the group behind you in line, you will have social proof as you enter the venue along with groups you can easily re-open later in the night.

You can use absolutely any opener with these groups that are in line with you.  This includes every opener that we will discuss below.  Sometimes, I will use a new routine that I came up with or a routine that I read about and want to try out.  This includes opinion openers.  Oftentimes, I will use situational or observational comments.  For example, I once opened a prospect front of me in line commenting that her dress looked like it was Versace.  She replied, “I wish.”  I responded in, “You should have just lied and said it was.  I would never have known the difference.”  She giggled and I ended up spending the rest of the venue night with her and number closed of course.  She was in a mixed five-set at the time that I met her.  Had I waited for her to get into the venue before I approached her I would have had to deal with disarming several obstacles and likely disarming the guys she was with to even get a chance to approach her.

If you are feeling excessively out of state you can even start your warm up groups with something mundane.  For example, while in line you can ask questions like,

“Has this line and moving at all?”

“Do you know who is promoting tonight?”

“What kind of music do they play in this venue?”

As long as you barrel through, you can open with absolutely anything.  Barreling through will be covered later in this book.  Furthermore, it still better to open with anything to get warmed-up rather than stand there becoming nervous and locked up.  Lastly, it is vital to understand that almost all techniques will work some of the time, but no technique works 100% of the time.  Knowing when to use a certain approach comes with calibration and experience in the field.

After you enter a venue, you should open your first set within two minutes.  This will help you to get into state.  This is what is called the two minute rule.  If you are walking around the venue checking it out, then you may have just blown yourself out with every set that has seen you doing that.  If you spend too much time going to the bar to get a drink or going to the restroom, then you may get lost in your thoughts and end up spending way too much time not opening.  Do not use the excuse that you are not in the mood or not in state to open your first set as you enter the venue.  The two-minute rule is in place to help you get into state.

iii. Building your social Circle

You should be a fun, social person with everybody around you.  This includes socializing and befriending guys.  This shows the people around you that you are not just there to prey on potential prospects.  Furthermore, you are networking and building yourself a social circle.  You never know if these guys might be able to get you into a venue for free, are a promoter for the night, know prospects there, or will be a competent wing that will help you during the night and future venue nights.

Following the concepts explained in the prior section, you will be meeting and networking with tons of people every time you go out.  This is a good opportunity to build your social circle and build your “warm game”.  As you meet guys and people that you befriend, invite them out to events or make your own events from time to time.  You should introduce them to your friends and have your guests bring friends that you can meet.

iii. Finding a Wing

It is a good idea to go out with wings that will help you on your path in becoming a networker.  You want to find somebody who is in the community that is around the same level as you or better and will push you to improve.  The other option is to find somebody that is a natural that you can learn from as well.  What you want to avoid is bringing somebody who will be an obstacle for you in the venue.  For example, you do not want to bring somebody that will take your prospects or constantly feed you negative thoughts and hold you back.  Many of the friends you have now will not be open to the community and will not be supportive on your journey to becoming a networker.  If this is the case, a good place to find a wing in the community is at your local lair.

If you are going to be at the venue alone, you can recruit a temporary wing for the night.  This can be done by making small talk with any of the guys that are there or talking to groups of two or more prospects and then bringing guys into the set.  You can befriend any number of the average, frustrated people that are in the venue and have them help you in groups.  If they are able to hold their ground in the venue, you can have them wing for you again in the future.  You should not be afraid to go out alone and sarge.  If you are going out at least four nights a week, then this will inevitably happen if you don’t find a wing that is in the community as well.  Most people don’t go out five or six nights a week for six months straight.

If you are absolutely alone and are unable to recruit a wing for the night or hook a set, one option is to stand by the bar and talk to every set that stands next to you on either side.  If you were at the bar, you do not necessarily have to order a drink.  If you wish to order a drink and you can not drink alcohol, simply order something non-alcoholic like an energy drink or tonic water.  Regardless, it is important that you look as comfortable as possible with your body language.  Lean back on the bar and look relaxed.  Whenever you are leaning against the bar or sitting against the wall, it is a rule that you must open every set that stands on the left or right of you.  This is a completely natural way to open and are some of the best groups of the night.  Oftentimes, it is also an approach invitation when a prospect is standing next to you.

An approach invitation is when a prospect, either consciously or subconsciously, signals to you that she has some attraction to you and wants you to open her.  Approach invitations include the example explained before where the prospect is standing near you or something as simple as eye contact and a smile.  If you get an approach invitation, then you have to open.

1. Basic Wing Logistics
   There is some confusion on wing logistics out in the venue, especially among people that are new to the game. Here are some of the basic wing logistics I use in the venues with my wings.
2. Isolation:

The NETWORKER and prospect are in isolation, meaning they are engaged in a 1-on-1 conversation regardless of who else is around them. The Wing should be as far away as possible. I mean, don’t even look at the 1-set in
progress. The NETWORKER is in the zone and focused on his conversation.  Any interruption will disrupt his game. Don’t say hello.  Don’t bring him a drink.  Don’t ask him any questions.  Don’t try to get an introduction to the prospect he is talking to.   Don’t try to get an introduction to the prospect’s friends. You should be far, far away opening your own groups.
There are only 2 exceptions to this rule:

1. You are on fire and need help putting yourself out.
2. You are going to bring some awesome social proof in for the NETWORKER,
3. Isolation variant:

Yes, this is still isolation. The NETWORKER is focused on his conversation with the prospect. Though the obstacle (i.e., friend, orbiting guy) is near-by, they are not involved in the set. The obstacle could be on a cell-phone, looking off into space, drinking something, talking to someone else, etc.

If you come into set, either to game the obstacle or to keep the obstacle from dragging away the prospect, then you should go direct to the obstacle without interacting with the networker or prospect at all. No, you do not need an introduction. You are there to help the NETWORKER. Go in cold, direct to the obstacle so you come in strong, alpha and you do not risk blowing out the NETWORKER if you do not hook the obstacle into a conversation.

3. The NETWORKER is in a 2-set. Here you can go direct to the obstacle or get a high-value introduction by the NETWORKER.

When you are walking in, walk in from the side of the obstacle. When you come in, don’t look at the 2-set and instead go direct to the NETWORKER and ask, “Have you seen Lisa?” The NETWORKER will reply, “Nope, haven’t seen her,” at which point the wing will walk-away. If the NETWORKER needs you to hook the obstacle, then he will grab you as you are walking away, pull you back into set while giving you a high value introduction. When you are doing and saying all this, the wing has to make it look authentic and CONVINCING and not just going through the motions or some ploy to get into the 2-set.

The other option when entering the 2-set is to ask your wing if he wants a drink.  If he says no (signaling he doesn’t want you to enter his set), then simply walk away.  If he wants you to enter his set, he will say no and then pull you into the set with an introduction.  “Nah, that’s cool man.  But hey, come meet these prospects.  This is my friend Tom.  He’s a movie and television producer.”

Do not get involved in a 4-way conversation. The goal is to pull the 2-set apart into isolation. Slowly move yourself around the set while you are talking so that the prospect and obstacle are back to back. The other option is to move the obstacle to a different part of the venue entirely, i.e. bar, patio, dance floor

In the event that the Wing does not hook the obstacle and gets blown out, then it is up to the NETWORKER to resume gaming the 2-set simultaneously. Do not depend on your wing or anyone else to help you carry a set.

4. Large groups. In larger groups, variants of all the methods above are used. The NETWORKER will either be involved in a conversation with only part of the group…

in which case you can wing in from the side of the NETWORKER or come in from the side of the 2 obstacles to game them instead.

The other possibility is that the NETWORKER will be involved in a large conversation holding all the obstacles and prospect’s attention on his own….

Deciding which obstacle(s) to game in both these cases takes some calibration to decide which obstacle(s) you think will most likely drag the Prospect away. The other option is to game the obstacle that you are attracted to.  If part of the set is losing attention, then it is up to the NETWORKER or Wing to re-engage the obstacle(s) before they drag the rest of the set away.  Some obstacles may walk away without dragging away the prospect, in which case they are helping you by making the set easier. The ultimate goal is to break apart the large set into smaller groups and allow the NETWORKER to take the prospect into isolation.

A lot of this is common sense. As a wing, it’s your job to help your buddy. Jump on the bomb and he will do the same for you when you are in set.

1. Dealing with Rude People
   Dealing with other men or RUDE PERSONing (Alpha Male of the Group) is done with similar logistics as winging.  This tactic is done when a male in the group is trying to blow you or the NETWORKER out of set.  One of the easiest ways to RUDE PERSON for the NETWORKER is to come in direct to the RUDE PERSON and bombard him with interview questions.  “Where do you get that shirt?  Where is that?  Where are you from?  Oh cool, what are the good venues there?…”

There are many other different tools for dealing with other men. I suggest you constantly practice these tactics to get them embedded into your conversational lexicon.  Its one thing to learn a tactic and another thing to put them into active use.

Being non-reactive and having an unaffected mindset should be done while dealing with other men.  This includes not changing your mindset, not changing your body language, and not allowing others’ perspectives to change your perspectives.

Seem genuinely nice while projecting higher value.  “Oh really, that’s
really great.  Nice one.  Keep at it.  You are so cool.”  This balances
seeming nice, not violating any social norms, and leaving a grey zone where he
isn’t sure about what you are saying.  His self-doubt will start to brew and eventually cause him to become reactive and blow himself out.  This follows
social violation theory.

The key is don’t socially violate before he does.  Do subtle re-framing, use
humor, and feel free to just allow your perception of him being there go when
you are talking to others in the group.  Allow him to become reactive to you.

You can conversationally re-frame or change the meaning of what has said.  For example, if he comments about how much the place sucks, you can respond, “Don’t worry man.  I’m sure you can find a prospect that you like.”  I re-framed his statement about the venue to a comment about hitting on/preying on people which lowers his value.

Simply ignoring him and plowing through his sentences is frequently the best option, especially after you’ve hooked to your prospect and she is not going anywhere.

You can also make what an RUDE PERSON has said seem absurd and funny.  For example, I was in a two set when an RUDE PERSON entered into my set.  He was obviously from the community because of all the canned routines that he was using.  He was trying to blow me out of set.  He went on a long rant trying to tool me and then asked me a question to gain my compliance.  At the end of his long rant, I simply responded, “I can’t follow anything you are saying,” and shook my head.  The entire set laughed at him and I simply went back to talk to my prospect.

Try to make him socially violate himself out of the set.  For example, simply asking him, “What kind of prospects do you like?” or, “Are the prospects here your type?” may get him on a rant about people, make him sound like he is preying on people in the venue, or start to supplicate to the people in the set.  All of these will lower his value.
If both you and your wing are at the NETWORKER level, then you will have a lot more flexibility in your groups and can use more advanced techniques to help each other.  The goal in your groups is to build each other up.  Your wing is the most important person in the room and your attention should be focused on him when he is in set.  In other words, if your wing comes into set, go ahead and talk to him for a little while and make the prospects wait.  You can laugh and make inside jokes in front of them.  You guys are the life of the party and they are the ones that want to join you guys.  This can be done by a pair of NETWORKERs because they can easily hold a set and create enough value that groups won’t leave.

In general, the person that opens the set gets to choose his prospect.  Indicate which one is your prospect by introducing your prospect first or using a code word when speaking about your prospect.

Occasionally, there will be some confusion in set.  You may have to lightly RUDE PERSON your wing if he is stepping on your game, becoming an obstacle to your prospect, or just totally confused.  This can be done simply as interrupting his conversation with your prospect and walking in front of him or getting into a conversation with him and then moving on to a conversation with your prospect.

1. The Approach

Whether you are freezing to death, exhausted, or have another long day of work early the next morning, there are NO EXCUSES when you are out. It’s time to get into state.  Take in the environment, stretch your neck, put on a smile and roll out into the venue.

1. Approach Anxiety

After you see a set, you have five seconds to approach.  This gives you enough time to think of your opener and approach.  The 5-second rule is in place to prevent you from hovering or over thinking the situation.  Don’t think about it, just do it.  That’s the whole point of the 5-second rule.  If you are sitting there with this internal dialogue, then you will be hovering and creeping prospects out…even if it’s only for a moment.  Any internal dialogue, frame control, hypnosis, confidence programming, and reasoning should be happening before you go in-field.  Once you are in-field, you’ve made the decision already to jump out of the plane and just do it.  If you are opening 12 or more groups a night for 4 or more nights a week, you will have less and less approach anxiety.  You are there to learn a skill.  There is no rejection, only a lesson learned.  I don’t care who is watching, what the prospect says or thinks, or what the outcome is, it doesn’t affect me internally/emotionally.  That’s internal frame control.

If you are nervous, breathe in deep, straighten up your posture, put on a smile and just open. You are the WINNER…so do it.  If you find yourself freezing up, simply think to yourself, “Who cares,” as in who cares what happens, who cares who’s watching, and who cares what the prospect thinks and a roll in to your set.  You are here to learn a skill and caring what anyone thinks will only hold you back and has an insignificant or no effect on your life or your future.  Furthermore, you still have to open 11 more groups for the night, so you better get started.

1. Body Language and Logistics

Always be the most relaxed person in the room.  This conveys alpha status.  If you act emotional, you will lower your value.  Lean back against the bar while you are there.  Take up space while you are sitting, relax your legs and open your arms against the seat backs next to you.  Don’t fidget or show nervousness.  This can include cracking knuckles, playing with your ring, playing with your straw, rubbing your hands together, or shaking your knee.  A good attitude to have while you are in the venue is to be the observed and not the observer.

Reaction shows lower value.  If you don’t react emotionally, you will be perceived of higher value.  Never lean in.  This includes on opening your groups and while you are in set.  In fact, I will frequently lean back upon opening a set.

Don’t lean in while you are in set.  This occurs when you’re talking and you lean in as you say something.  If you want her to hear you, then project your voice.  In a loud venue, it will feel like you are yelling.  If you cannot hear what your prospect is saying because the venue is too loud or she is too far, then wave her to come closer and cup your ear to signal that you can not hear her.  In this manner, she will be the one leaning into you.

Do not use direct body language, unless your prospect has earned it or you’re going in with a direct opener (which will be covered in a later section).  Prospect has earned it went she is showing indicators of interest like turning her body towards you, smiling, laughing, touching you, showing interest, has hooked, etc.

iii. Tonality

With the rights body language and tonality, you can have success with even the most mundane conversation.  You should speak slowly, enunciate clearly, and speak in a deep, resonating voice.  On opening, your tone should express positive emotions.  Specifically, it should have a lighthearted, playful tone.  Again, you should project your voice so that the entire set can hear you clearly and so you won’t have to repeat yourself.  Using the right tonality and body language, you will project your confidence and your set will be more receptive to whatever you choose to talk about.

1. Standing Groups

When you spot a set or prospect that is standing, you should approach this set at an approximately 45° angle rather than going straight towards them or coming from behind them, which can  startle your set and make them defensive.  This is described as the horse whisperer style because you cannot approach a horse directly as he will buck up.  If the set is at an angle to you, simply walk at an angle until you reach your set without making any eye contact until you use your opener.

If this set is standing directly in front of you, walk at an angle away from them and then turn to walk in front of them and open the set turning your head over your shoulder.

1. Sitting Groups

Approaching a sitting set is done the same as a standing set.  The difference in logistics comes after you open because it is a good idea to always look more comfortable than the set that you’re opening.  If they are sitting and you are standing, you will look uncomfortable, look like you are trying for rapport, and will intimidate the set by talking above them.  During this set, you will need to sit down with them, pull up a nearby chair, kneel down next to them to continue talking, or steal your prospect’s seat.  It is a good idea to use a false time constraint prior to sitting down with a seated set.  False time constraints will be covered in the next section.

One way to steal your prospects seat is after you have been talking for approximately 5 to 10 minutes and have hooked your prospect, you can hold out your hand for your prospect to hold it and ask your prospect to do a spin for you.  As you spin her around, you simply sit down and take her seat.  Commonly, your prospect will giggle when this happens.

1. Moving Groups

Moving groups are a logistics issue. Game is played exactly the same, except now you have to game groups that are moving away from you, moving towards you, or passing you.

The prospect is moving away from you.
This is a common logistics issue that occurs in large venues where gorgeous people are constantly running around and during day game, like in malls, where a lot of groups are walking. The goal is to catch up to the moving set without the set noticing you (yes, even if you have to run to do it).

Once you are close to the prospect/set, you walk right PAST them without looking at the set like you are headed in the same direction minding your own business.

After you pass them by approximately 4 inches to a foot ahead of them, you turn your head over your shoulder, towards them and open them like you just noticed them. You use all the same openers and threads that you normally use with any set while still walking slightly in front of them.

After you begin to hook, the prospect/set will start to slow down, and then you slow down as well while continuing to talk and continuing to walk next to them only slightly ahead of them looking over your shoulder (but at their pace / slower pace).

You are running your threads that contain your demonstrations of high value while being interesting and non-needy and the set hooks (which can even occur with just your opener). When the set stops moving, then you have hooked and you can continue to game the set like a stationary set now.

The Set/Prospect is moving towards you.
For example, if you are in a walkway and a prospect is moving towards you, you can stand directly in their path if you are going to use a direct opener (i.e., creating the movie moment) or partially in their path using indirect openers.

If you are on the side (i.e., leaning up against a wall of a building next to a sidewalk) and she is walking past you, then you are to stay in your position and begin talking as the prospect nears you.  If they stop, then you can begin gaming the prospect like a stationary set.  If they walk past you, then you are to STAY in your exact position (don’t even lean into the moving set) and just continue the thread/opener but saying it louder and LOUDER as they walk further and further away until they walk back to you.

In high energy nightvenues, you can use high energy, interesting openers that will hook groups quickly and effectively to get them to stop.  I will often use cold reads but regular canned routines will work just as well, like the classic canned opinion openers.

In the daytime, the same openers can be used but you have to match the energy level of the set you are opening. Therefore, your energy level will be more toned down compared to in a nightvenue.  I have field testing a technique called the “AFC opener” where you begin with a mundane question that a set would have to answer or be in social violation like,

“What time is it?”

“Where is the cafeteria?”

and IMMEDIATELY stack with a strong opener like a cold read or opinion opener after the question is asked and continuing to game as usual.  In this manner, the set is stopped and already talking to you allowing you to run game as usual starting with an opener immediately after the mundane question is asked.

Some prospects and groups really are in a rush to get somewhere (like an appointment or a job interview) and you really do only have seconds or minutes to hook. You can raise buying temperature quickly with a solid thread, humor, cold read, etc. and then number close quickly.

“I gotta get out of here, but you seem pretty cool. Give me your number.”

Or

“I gotta run but I wanna get to know you better. Give me your number.”

Or simply

“hey, give me your number.”

The number would not be as solid as a set you stayed in for 20 or 40 minutes, but it is the best you can do with the short amount of time you had.
If the set walks away, ignores you, blows you out…then the way to handle that is the line that students probably hear the most from me on boot camp…

“Next Set!”

vii. Mini-Time Constraints, False Time Constraints

False time constraints are used when entering a set to signal that you will not be staying long and prevent the set from becoming defensive.  Examples of false time constraints include:

1. I can’t stay long, but…
2. I have to get back to my friends, but…
3. My friends are waiting for me over there, but…
4. I can only stay a second.
5. I can only stay 30 seconds.
6. I can only stay for a minute, because I have to rejoin my friends over there.
7. We gotta get out of here in a minute.
8. I only have a minute

You open a set, use your false time constraint, and then immediately continue with your thread.  For example, if you opened a seated set with an opinion opener it would go like this,

“hey guys!  My friends and I are having a debate.  I have to get back to my friends, but who are the biggest players in Los Angeles, men or people?”

Mini-time constraints follow the same principles but are shorter.  This includes phrases like

“Real quick.”

or

“I gotta go.”

III. Opening (Engaging)

1. The Forced Opener

This is an opener I have only shared with boot camp students until now.  I created this opener because students would have severe approach anxiety and would break the five second rule.  We would be hovering around the set they were supposed to open for minutes, but the students’ approach anxiety was too severe for them to open the set.  I would then have to demonstrate that the set could be easily opened after the group had been hovering around the set for minutes.  I had to use a powerful opener that would force the set to open, thus created the forced opener.  This is an opener that will open a set almost every time if done properly.

You walk towards a set and say, “my friends think that you’re cute, but think that you will be mean and conceited.  I was trying to tell them that just because a prospect looks mean, they could actually be really sweet.  I bet a lot of people think you are going to be conceited when they see you, but you are actually a really sweet person.”

This opener will force a set to open because they want to play into the role of being sweet and do not want to fall into the judgment of being conceited.  I have seen students have make-outs with this opener within five minutes of opening the set.  The only warning is that using this forced opener, you have to watch out for false indicators of interest.  Because a set may be trying so hard to play the role of being sweet, you may get indicators of interest without any true attraction.  If this happens, you must use some give and take techniques covered in a later section of this book.  For example, tell her to slow down because you’ve just met her.  Ask her to buy you a drink first.  Most importantly, make sure to stack your threads and use attraction material.  Don’t depend on this forced opener to carry the set for you.

1. Opinion Openers

The standard opinion opener has four parts.  First, you open the set with an interrupt.

“Hey guys, I need a female perspective on something. This’ll only take a minute.”

Then, move on to the setup or background information behind the opinion question.

“My buddy just moved to Los Angeles from New York and wants to find a new look.  He is thinking about putting blonde highlights in his hair.”

Afterwards, you ask your opinion question to the set.

“What do you think?  Would this look good on him? ”

The opinion opener is one of the most common types of indirect openers.  It is also one of the most effective.  The truth about opinion openers is that you can pretty much ask an opinion about absolutely anything and still have it be effective.  It is one of the easiest canned routines that you can convert into natural material.  It is a good idea to leave out to the first part about asking for a female opinion or a female perspective on something because the general public is catching on to these phrases as a pick-up line.  You can replace this with, “hey guys, we’re having a debate…,” followed by the set up and then the opinion question.  The other alternative is to simply ask your opinion question without the first step entirely.

Some of the best topics for opinion openers involve drama, celebrity gossip, relationships, and other topics people are interested in.  Some of the best topics to use are actual events that happen in your life such as drama your friends are having with their ex-prospectfriends, actual decisions you are making in your life, or about interesting, recent events that happened to you.  For example, during the time pick-up was being shown on television, there was a lot of nervousness in the community so I turned this into an opinion opener.

NETWORKER: “Hey, do you guys watch reality shows?  Have you seen that show about picking up people?”

Prospect: “Yes.”

NETWORKER: “Do you think that show was real?  These reality shows always seem like a setup.”

Prospect: “No way.  That show is so fake.”

or

NETWORKER: “Hey, do you guys watch reality shows?  Have you seen that show about picking up people?”

Prospect: “No.”

NETWORKER: “Well, it’s this show about teaching guys how to pick up people.  Do you think that’s possible, that you can teach guys how to meet people?”

Prospect: “maybe”

NETWORKER: “No, I don’t think so.  You are either born with it or not.  You can’t teach guys how to be me.”

I used my opinion opener to disqualify myself as a networker.  The important part is that regardless of the response that the prospect gives, I always have a response prepared and a thread to continue with.

The truth is, you can use absolutely any topic for an opinion opener and still hook as long as you project the right tone, body language, and barrel through.  Other opinion openers I’ve successfully used include…

“Do you think my friend would look good with a Mohawk?”

“Would you ever date a guy that was shorter than you?”

and even…

“Do you think the columns in this venue are cheesy?”

Now you understand the basic structure of an opinion opener and can start using them tonight and begin creating your own as well.  The key part to making any opener work is barreling through, which will be covered in a later section.

1. Storytelling

Storytelling is an effective opener because it follows the 90/10 rule (covered later in this book) and also gives you the opportunity to demonstrate confidence and humor while capturing your audience’s attention.  It also gives you the chance to insert demonstrations of higher value early in the set which we will discuss in the next section.  Stories could be current events, actual stories in your life, or canned stories.  Also, the story allows you to go off on many various related tangents in the story along with related threads as you gain input from the set.  You can ask questions in the middle of the story that are related to the topic, tease your set for their responses to events in the story, and carry a set for a while with plenty of material to talk about.

Demonstrations of high value (DHV) are ways of conveying your value without bragging to build attraction.  The goal is to slip in these demonstrations of high value in the middle of your story in a way that is subtle.  There are eight major types of demonstrations of high value.

The first is social proof.  This occurs when a bunch of people are giving you attention in your story.  For example, you can slip in a sentence about running into a bunch of people that you knew at the venue that you’re talking about in your story.  “When I walked into the venue, I probably knew at least half the people there and spent the first 15 minutes just saying hi to everyone.”

Next, social alignments show that you have many alignments with people of value.  Using the above example, you can describe how getting into the venue wasn’t a problem because you knew the owner.  “The line at the venue was about an hour long.  It stretched the entire block.  Fortunately, the owner of the venue, who I grew up with, was standing out front and just walked us all in.”

Social intelligence is another demonstration of high a value that people look for.  Social intelligence conveys that you understand the norms of society and that you can interact with people in a savvy manner.  This includes dressing well, having a good fashion sense, being able to respond to people appropriately, being able to handle stressful situations successfully, and dealing with the people around you intelligently.  For example, if you are describing a conflict in your story, you can explain how you were the one that resolved it.  “My friend just couldn’t get over his prospectfriend having pictures of her ex.  I explained to him that her ex was in the past and that he should just forget it because he is the one that is with her now and if he keeps acting jealous like this, he will push his prospectfriend away.”

Pre-selection is a way to show other people are interested in you.  Simply show an instance where people are interested in you and giving you attention.  “After I got into the venue, I just wanted to grab a drink with my buddies, but these prospects kept trying to drag me to the dance floor.”

Being the leader of men is a strong demonstration of high value for people.  It shows that you or the leader of your group.  Where the men go, the people will follow.  “The worst part about venuebing is getting everybody into the venue.  I had about 20 friends meeting me that night and they all wanted to show up at different times.  I explained to them that if they didn’t want to wait in line for an hour, they had to walk in with me at 11 o’clock.  I’ll tell ya, that is the easiest way to get all your friends to show up on time.”

Kindness is a demonstration of higher value that you should not show early on.  Make sure you demonstrate strength first because only then is your kindness worth anything.  Feeling sympathy and showing compassion is also a sign of kindness.  This can include a story involving charity work or helping people.

Being a protector of loved ones is a demonstration of high value because woman are attracted to men whom they feel protected by.  This is done by including a story about protecting your family or friends.  “I don’t let my friends that are players anywhere near my little sister.”

Athleticism is a large attraction switch.  This is mainly demonstrated by working out but you can include stories about various active sports that you participate in.

Storytelling can begin with a hook question that will capture the audience’s attention.

“You guys won’t believe what just happened!”

“The craziest thing happened to me today….”

“Have you ever seen a guy wearing a cropped top before?”

Proceed with the rest of your story taking sure to include interesting points, humor, drama, or other topics you’re set is interested in.  Pay careful attention that you are not losing your set’s attention during your story.  If this occurs, then you need to cut the story immediately and move on to the next thread.  If this occurs frequently, then your story may be too long and/or not interesting.

You guys aren’t from here are you?  You guys like to travel? I actually just came back from England and had the absolute wildest time!  I’ve actually always dreamed about going to England so I just decided to go on my own during spring break.  A week before heading out to England I went out to a friend’s birthday where at a venue that he owns.  I was in the elevator heading to do some karaoke with my buddies when these two small English prospects started chatting with me.  It turned out they are actually visiting from England and were in Los Angeles for the week.  After the bar they were actually planning to walk around downtown Los Angeles at night by themselves to sightsee.  I told them that they were in the middle of skid row and they would not survive.  So I actually ended up taking them out showing them the best sites in Los Angeles.  And the next week, I hung out with them in London.  It’s crazy how things happen, you never know who you can are going to meet when you’re out.  Have you guys ever been to Europe?

 

vii. Situational /Observational

The situational/observational opener is considered to be one of the weakest openers in the community.  In my opinion, situational/observational openers can be very powerful if used properly.  The other advantage to situational/observational openers is that you won’t be accused of being a networker and it can be done in a way that is very natural.

In situational openers, you are commenting about the current environment or a funny story that recently occurred or is happening at the time.  For example, I was in a venue and noticed a guy dancing by himself wearing the most outrageous outfit.  That was my opener for the rest of the night.  I easily hooked a three set of blondes on my own and number closed my prospect easily using this story…

Did you guys see that dude dancing by himself on the dance floor?  It was one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen.  When you go back in, you should definitely look for him.  The guy is dancing by himself in front wearing sunglasses, white jeans, and a cropped top.  He’s dancing the most flamboyant dance.  Now here’s the best part…  On his cropped top it says, “I’d rather be masturbating.”  No joke.  This guy is bad ass.

The people couldn’t stop laughing.  It was a quick, interesting story that really happened that night.  It hooked the set easily and I didn’t have to worry about anyone recognizing a canned routine.

In the observational openers you are pointing out something interesting and/or funny either about the environment, the people around you, or your prospect.  In a story mentioned before, a prospect walked in front of me in line at a venue wearing a dress with a pattern that looked like Versace.  I simply asked her, “Is that dress Versace?”  She replied, “No.  I wish.”  I responded, “You should have just lied and said it was.  I wouldn’t have known the difference.”  She giggled and I ended up spending the evening with her and number closing without a problem.  This was a simple observation about her clothes, but I said it in a way that was very natural and witty.

vii. Compliment Openers

Despite popular belief, you can open successfully with a compliment.  Some believe showing too much interest early on will blow you out of set.  This is not true if it is done properly.  One of the easiest ways to compliment a prospect properly is to qualify her immediately following the complement.

“You are really cute.  So what else do you have going for you?”

Another way to compliment properly is to compliment something other than her looks.

“You have great style.  You must do something artistic?”

During day game, I have even successfully used, “those are really cool glasses.  Where did you get them?”

The reason why many feel that complements are ineffective openers is that they convey too much interest and are too obvious that you are hitting on her.  I propose that if you are truly the prize, have confidence, use the right tonality and body language, then there is no need to hide your interest.  Many of the indirect openers people use are completely transparent as a ploy just to meet a prospect.  A prospect that is constantly hit on every day will hear nonstop indirect openers and she will often see right through an indirect opener as an excuse to hit on her.  When you genuinely feel like opening with a complement, she will oftentimes appreciate your honesty and see that you have enough confidence that you do not have to hide your feelings or thoughts.  Furthermore, you are balancing this out by qualifying her because even though you appreciate her looks or her style, you are there to see what else she has going for herself and have a genuine curiosity about her.  Her looks alone aren’t enough for you to have a relationship is the general attitude to have when opening with a complement.  Complements are a type of direct opener.  Other direct openers will be covered later in this book.

Some of the best times to use compliment openers is during day game or events where people are not being constantly hit on.  If a woman is being constantly hit on, like a prospect who is a 10 inside of a venue, she may be already well validated from the dozens of men that are coming up to her and may have put her defenses up and therefore not receptive to a compliment.

viii. Questions

You can open groups with a simple question as long as you barrel through with a related thread or immediately follow the question with an unrelated thread.  Every time you ask a question, you must follow the 90/10 rule.  Otherwise, you will be running the set like an interview and will lose the set soon.

For every conversational thread, I talk at least 3 to 15 minutes about the topic before asking any new questions. This follows the 90/10 rule where you are doing the talking 90% of the time and she is talking 10% of the time while you are building attraction with her. By doing this, you are interesting, adding value instead of taking it, and can throw in DHVs (demonstration of higher value) and emotional spikes.

So therefore, the answer is never just “oh cool”; the answer is “oh cool, story-tell, DHV, etc.,” for 5 minutes before moving on to the next thread or question.

I bounce from thread to thread, cutting them before they get stale and moving on to the next one.

If you are going to ask questions like

“Where are you from?”

“Do you come here often?”

“Do you like it here?”

“Have any brothers or sisters?”

Then after EACH question you have to talk at least 3 to 15 minutes about the topic before asking the next question. This follows the 90/10 rule where you are talking 90% of the time and she is talking 10% of the time when you are building attraction.  You fill that time with routines, stories, humor, DHV, etc.

For example, after you ask, “Where are you from?” you can vibe and banter about where she is from, tell DHV stories about the places you’ve travelled, give her some insight about where she or you are from, tease her about where she came from, compare the lifestyle and people of where she is from to where you guys are at, etc.

“You aren’t from here are you? Arizona?? Oh my god, you must be like the most innocent prospect in this room.  Stay here long enough and this city will change you. People here are so much more materialistic and superficial.  So has this city changed you yet? …. I actually just came back from Lake Havasu…boring.  It was like a bunch of people just sitting on a boat drinking beers, it looked so much better on TV.  So…was your best friend a cactus?”

“You’re all sisters right?  No?  Then you two must be best friends because when friends start hanging around each other a lot, they just start looking like each other.”

“What are you drinking?”

“Do you know what time this venue fills up?”

“Who is the promoter tonight?”

1. Role-play

The goal of a role-play is to create a fictitious situation that you and your prospect can be in.  The basic format is that you gave your prospect a role to play and then you create various situations that you are in and involve her on this imaginary adventure.  Using this technique, you are creating drama that you share along with emotional spikes.  Various roles you can put her in include your temporary prospectfriend, your bodyguard, your wingman, or your little sister.  The possibilities are limitless.

“Oh my god!  You look so innocent!  I’m going to adopt you as my little sister for the night and make sure all these vultures don’t take advantage of you.  Okay, so for the rest of the night every time we meet somebody let’s tell them that we are brother and sister.  It’s going to be hilarious!”

In the example above, you are using a conspiracy because you and her are sharing an inside joke that you are playing on everyone you meet.  Furthermore, it is a false disqualifier calling her your sister because guys don’t normally call prospects they are hitting on their sister.  False disqualifiers make it so the prospect doesn’t think that you are hitting on her and helps when you are using an indirect opener.

1. Cold Read

Cold reading is one of my favorite techniques to use.  You are basically making a prediction about the prospect you are talking about without knowing anything about her.  The read can be a sweeping generalization that is true for most people or something specific that you will use to play off of whether you are wrong or right about her.

Here is one very powerful cold read that is generally true about all humans, but people can really relate to.

“I have an intuition about you.  I bet you have two sides. Like one is a bad prospect side and the other is your sweet, angel side.”

The trick to cold-reading is that there is no wrong answer.  If she agrees, then you can vibe and banter about how you read her so easily and tease her or go cocky funny.  If she disagrees, then you continue on with why you thought she was a certain way, and you can still tease her, vibe and banter off the cold-read and continue on the same.

“You look like the most innocent person in here.  I gotta get back to my friends (sitting down across from her) but are you as innocent as you look?”

If she says yes, then you can say…

“I thought so.  I read you like an open book.”

Or

“Hmm… that’s something a bad prospect would say.  Bad prospects are always trying to hide how bad they are.”

If she says no, then you can say…

“Ha!  It’s always the innocent ones that want to be bad.  Now I know that you’re innocent, because a bad prospect would never admit to being bad.”

There are a million different types of cold reads.  I come up with new ones every time I go out.

“You must be an artist.”

“You are from the Midwest aren’t you? Kansas?”

“You aren’t from around here are you?”

“You are a party prospect.”

“You are going to be trouble.”

“You are a (insert venue name here) prospect aren’t you?”

“You are a native right?”

“You are in the finance industry.”

1. Have Her Open You

One way to have a set open you is to talk really loudly with your wing while using many demonstrations of high value about each other in your conversation.  For example, we were standing next to a three set of go-go dancers.  So I purposely started talking to my wing really loudly…

“Hey man.  How’s it going?  How was your weekend?  Have you been chilling with Usher still?  Is he still having all that relationship drama?”

The conversation went on like this with me and my wing for about three minutes.  I could see from the corner of my eye that the go-go dancers were all facing us and listening to our conversation.  One of the dancers came up to my friend and introduced her name and shook hands with him.

The other option is to talk really loudly using an opener that people cannot help but give their opinion on.  For example, you can ask your wing about an opinion concerning relationships.  If the people around you do not chime in with their opinion on their own, go ahead and turn to them and ask your opinion opener directly to your set and open them.

“Hey man, do you think a guy can have a best friend that’s a prospect while in a relationship or do you think that would ultimately lead to cheating?  My buddy’s prospectfriend just can’t get over the fact that he has a female best friend and is jealous all the time.  She wants to break up with him over it.  What do you think he should do?… [Turn to your set.] What do you prospects think, can a guy have a best friend that’s a prospect?”

Another way to have people open you in the venue is to wear a piece or several pieces that stand out.  For example, you can wear a very interesting pendant, rings, hat, shirt, belt, etc.  In general, you should dress cool and at a level different than everybody else at the venue but not too outrageous or incongruent with your personality and have one or two pieces that will attract attention and have prospects asking you about the piece or wanting to grab it and look at it thus opening you.

xii. Non-verbal Openers

Nonverbal openers are ways of communicating with people using body language.  For example, simply making eye contact with the prospect and smiling can initiate an interaction as long as you walk towards her and begin talking.  I have one friend who is a natural and all he does in the bar is make eye contact with people, raise his glass to toast them and when a prospect toasts him back, he will walk over and begin talking to her.

xiii. Openers for Mixed Groups/Large Groups

In general, if you’re opening a mixed set it is a good idea to open the men first and befriend them before meeting the people or being introduced to the people by the men.  When you are talking to guys, do not use the same openers that you use on people.  Talk about general guy topics like sports, other venues and parties, work, cars, observations about the venue, etc.  Make sure your attitude is friendly and not too eager or enthusiastic or else the men will think that you are hitting on them.  You can use a lot of interview questions and be sure to act impressed and complementary after their responses.  Make friends with the guys and you will be able to meet their prospects without a problem, especially if the guys introduce you to their people and bring you into their set.

When you are opening a large set, you can pose a question or opinion opener to the entire group.  Be sure to project your voice so that the entire group can hear you.  Involve the entire group and don’t let anybody in the set be left out.  If you see somebody being left out, not talking, or losing interest, it is up to you to pull them back into the set and ask them a question or have them answer your question that you posed to the group.

“Okay, who’s the bad prospect in the group?  Are you corrupting these other prospects?”

“Who is the leader here?  So you’re the one dragging everyone else out.”

“Hey guys, let me get your opinion on something.  Do you think a guy can have a best friend of the opposite sex?”

Another option is to simply ignore the guys and go straight for the prospects.  Simply pretend the guys are not there and open the prospects with your regular openers.  If the guy tries to break into the set, just ignore him completely like he is not there and do not answer any of his questions or respond to any of the comments and continue to talking to the people.  Eventually, the guy will walk away if you have successfully hooked the prospects and they are ignoring him as well.

If this doesn’t work, consider befriending the guys or tooling the guys and blowing them out of set.  There are various ways to tool guys.  As mentioned before, one way is to constantly ask interview questions nonstop.

“Where are you from?  Where do you get your clothes from?  Where did you buy that shirt?  What do you do for a living?  Do you like it?  What else do let’s do for fun?  What nationality are you?  Where do you live?  How do you like living there?  Did you buy a property there or do you rent?  Did you grow up in this area?  Did you go to a school in this area?”

He will be so busy answering all your questions that he will lose focus on the prospects and will eventually blow himself out.

As covered in a prior section, another way to blow him out of set this to force him into social violation either by saying something stupid or looking too emotional and needy.

“What kind of prospects do you like?  Are the prospects in this venue your type?  Do you have a prospectfriend right now?  Why not?”

xiv. Direct

Some of the concepts of going direct have been covered in the section about compliment openers.  My default opener is usually direct.  There are three basic parts to a standard, direct opener.  First you pace her reality.

“I know this is totally strange.”

or

“I know this is totally random.”

or

“I usually don’t do this.”

Next, you deliver your compliment or statement of interest.

“But you are absolutely gorgeous, and I just had to come see what you were like.”

or

“But I noticed you from across the room, and was curious to see what you were like.”

or

“You are absolutely adorable, and wanted to see what you are like.”

or

“But you are really…really pretty.”

Finally, you qualify her immediately to balance out the compliment and to show that you are not just interested in her looks.

“So what else do you have going for you besides your looks?”

or

“So are you a good prospect or a bad prospect?”

You can also use shortened versions of the above.

“At the risk of embarrassing myself, I noticed you from across the room and had to come meet you and see what you are like.”

or simply,

“You’re cute.”

1. Creating your own openers

Many people new to the game want to become naturals right away.  This is a process and if you are new to interacting with people successfully then it’s best to start from the beginning and get your fundamentals down.  Begin with going out and using canned routines as openers.  You can use all the ones mentioned in this book and other canned routines available at http://www.phaseshiftlounge.com in the routines forum.  These are all field-tested routines that follow a structure that creates intrigue, interest, and hooks groups consistently if done properly with the right delivery, tonality, and body language.

After you have used canned routines successfully and consistently, only then should you consider beginning to make your own original material.  This is due to the fact that you will gain a lot of social intelligence and will understand how these canned routines work and what parts of their structure hook groups consistently and powerfully.  With this understanding, you will be able to substitute the effective parts of these canned routines with your own original stories and material.  When you create a new routine, you can try it out in the field/field-test it, modify, and develop it until it hooks groups consistently.  After you have created a new routine, it would be nice for you to post it in the forum and share it with the community that has helped you so much.

xvi. Knowing when the set is hooked

Part of opening successfully is recognizing when the set has been hooked.  If the set has not been hooked, then you need to immediately switch to a different opener.  You can tell when this set is hooked if they are smiling, laughing, actively responding to your comments or questions, asking you questions, facing you, flirting back, involved in a conversation with you, or other indicators of interest.  If she is looking away, ignoring you, giving you a one-word response, or other indicators of disinterest, then you have not hooked the set and need to switch to a different, unrelated opener.  This will be discussed more under the section about plowing through.

1. Plowing Through and Stacking
2. Plowing Through

I am infamous for being able to barrel through/plow through anything.  It’s because I simply ignore the reaction from the prospect, cut the thread if I don’t hook, and move on to the next thread.  I do not react to indicators of disinterest, shy away, or walk away when this happens.  During the last Las Vegas boot camp, I had two students watch me open the set that they had already failed to open.  I even used the same opener as the students did on the same prospect.  I did this to demonstrate how to plow through when your first opener doesn’t work.  I ended up using four different openers in a row before she finally started talking to me and hooked.  I didn’t just hook, I hooked her solidly, number closed, and even met up with her multiple times again in Los Angeles.

“Are you guys sisters?”

(This was the same opener that the student had just used 20 seconds prior to me opening the same two-set with the same line.  It turned out she didn’t even know what the other person and was simply standing next to her.  This obviously did not hook and she completely ignored my opener.)

“Do you think it’s cheating if the prospect kisses another prospect while she has a boyfriend?”

(Again, she ignores me completely)

“You are a tourist aren’t you?”

(She mildly responds, “Yes,” and looks away with a flat response on her face.  I know that she has not been hooked.)

“Do you watch reality shows?  Have you seen that show about picking up people?”

(In an angry tone, she responds, “Why are you asking me this!?”  At this point, I realized that the normal opinion opener wouldn’t be powerful enough and I needed something stronger and came up with this…)

“…because I am a networker coach, those are my students over there, and you are my demonstrations set.”

At that point, she had a big smile on her face and faced me directly.  She was very invested in what I had to say next and we were involved in a deep conversation.  I was able to number close without a problem.  Sometimes, honesty really is the best policy.

1. Stacking Openers

You can use all of these openers during your conversation as regular topics to discuss and to use as threads.  Simply use one opener after another.  As soon as one opener/thread stales out (you see the set losing interest or start noticing indicators of disinterest), transition into the next opener/thread.  The next thread does not have to be related at all to the prior one.  Furthermore, you don’t need any formal transition into the next topic and can simply just begin talking about your next thread.  To exemplify this, I will go ahead and stack every type of opener that we’ve discussed in a row.  You can do this regardless of the response the prospect gives you.  As you get more experienced and develop as a networker, you will be able to calibrate your threads better to the particular set and to what their responses are to get the best results.

Let’s begin…

“Do you think my friend would look good with a Mohawk?”

(response)

“I knew you’d think that.

You look way too innocent to be here!  Shouldn’t you be studying?  Does your mother know you’re here?””

(response)

“You aren’t from here are you?  You guys like to travel?”

(response)

“I actually just came back from England and had the absolute wildest time!  I’ve actually always dreamed about going to England so I just decided to go on my own during spring break.  A week before heading out to England I went out to a friend’s birthday where at a venue that he owns.  I was in the elevator heading to do some karaoke with my buddies when these two small English prospects started chatting with me.  It turned out they are actually visiting from England and were in Los Angeles for the week.  After the bar they were actually planning to walk around downtown Los Angeles at night by themselves to sightsee.  I told them that they were in the middle of skid row and they would not survive.  So I actually ended up taking them out showing them the best sites in Los Angeles.  And the next week, I hung out with them in London.  It’s crazy how things happen, you never know who you can are going to meet when you’re out.  Have you guys ever been to Europe?”

(response)

“You look like you just rolled out of bed. (Don’t wait for a response following a neg.  Just drop a comment quickly and move on to the next topic)

Did you see that dude dancing by himself on the dance floor?  It was one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen.  The guy is dancing by himself in front wearing sunglasses, white jeans, and a cropped top.  He’s dancing the most flamboyant dance ever.  Now here’s the best part…  On his cropped top it says, ‘I’d rather be masturbating.’  No joke.  This guy is bad ass.  When you go back in, you should definitely look for him”

(response)

“You have great style.  You must do something artistic?  No? Then you must have an artistic side to you.”

(response)

“Where are you from?”

(response)

“Oh really?  I visited there once but couldn’t stand it.  I really belong in Los Angeles.  I just can’t take public transportation.  The subways were always under construction and had this constant urine smell to it.”

(response)

“You’re so fun! I’m going to adopt you as my little sister for the night and make sure all these vultures don’t take advantage of you.  Okay, so for the rest of the night every time we meet somebody, let’s tell them that we are brother and sister.  It’s going to be so hilarious!”

(response)

“You are going to be trouble.  I can tell already.  I don’t think I can hang out with you anymore because I think you are going to corrupt me.”

(response)

“You know, when I first saw you I had my doubts about you.  But now that I have gotten to know you, you are actually a really cool person.”

1. Logistics
2. How to Open on the Dance Floor

Here is some good news. In a venue/bar environment prospects already have a vibe built. If they are on the dance floor and you wish to open, then dance your way over and give her a look that says, “I want to dance with you.”  Do not wait for a reply.  Instead, just begin dancing with her.  As she feels your body next to hers and does not stop dancing or asks you to stop dancing with her, then slowly escalate.  If she does stop, then use an indicator of disinterest/neg and try again.

You start escalating by moving your hands on her hips, and/or slowly feeling her up from the back hip around to the front of her stomach.  Prospects are very self-conscious about there stomachs.  The more you feel it up and maybe even squeeze a little, the more you will lower her value. This almost works as a neg because you are sub-communicating that she is chubby or fat.

After a few songs you can grab her hand and do a squeeze test to see if she squeezes back.  If she does, walk her to the bar for a drink.  Try to get as far away from the speakers as possible so you will be able to spark up a conversation.  Open from there and stack forward.  Sometimes she will already be attracted to you by this point so jump into comfort unless you feel her value is still higher then yours.  If it is, make sure you neg her / show an indicator of disinterest.  Some keys to remember about dance floor game are that a lot is sub-communicated via body language, facial expressions, fun level and energy level.  So, make sure you have your bases covered.

Another way to approach dance floor game, is to be your own party on the dance floor.  Roll onto the dance floor while dancing, looking like you’re having fun and smiling.  Begin by dancing by yourself and then pull in prospects around you to dance with you.  Don’t go straight for the hottest prospect.  Instead, be natural and dance with the prospects that are near you/around you.  In fact, it may even be better to dance with the prospects that are not as hot initially which shows that you just like to dance and have fun and are not a vulture looking to pick up people on the dance floor.  Continue to dance, switching from partner to partner until you reach your prospect.  Have fun dancing with her.  Spin her around.  Challenge her to show you what she’s can do on the dance floor.  “Show me what you got!”

The ultimate goal of dance floor game is to build enough buying temperature to kino escalate (light touching, to holding, to kissing, etc.) or to pull her off the dance floor and build attraction in conversation.  “Hey, it’s hot in here.  Let’s take a break outside.”

1. Opening in the Gym

Gym game is similar to day game. While at the gym, prospects will be focused on working out and will not be anticipating someone trying to pick them up.

There is a real simple way to get someone to take off their headphones. You simply walk into the set in a 45 degree angle and open over the shoulder with a hand motion that will signal her to take off her earphones. (i.e., point to your ears, etc.)

You can reduce your treadmill speed in order to fully game the prospect. You will find that if you have successfully hooked her and built attraction, she will slow down and will be glad to talk to you.

As far as running into the same person over and over again, I wouldn’t worry about it.  I doubt you are going to mess up that badly.

The truth of the matter is there are so many routines and/or openers…nothing is different from any other time you would talk to a prospect.  In fact, doing routines/openers that are circumstantial are sometimes not as good  in this setting because it shows a lot of attraction.  Think about it, how many guys have tried to game her in the gym using lines that have to do with the gym?

iii. Day game

The major difference between day game and venue game as far as technique is that day game is toned down a little (not so high-energy). There are a lot of other micro-calibrations in day game that you will learn in-field or at a day game boot camp.  In general, the groups tend to be friendlier in the daytime as well. If you build attraction and barrel through, you can hold a set in the daytime for as long as you want and even bounce with them to a different location. Sometimes the groups really are in a hurry to be some place, in which case you don’t have any choice but to attempt a time bridge (i.e., number close).

In order to manifest a vibe, you must find commonality quickly and efficiently.  Don’t waste time on non-essential information.  Concentrate on building commonality and attempt to build a social vibe between you and the prospect.  This is extremely important because in a night environment there is already a vibe that you come in under, but in the day the prospects are usually on a mission to do something.  Shop, eat, meet friends, etc.  So, you must build commonality that would make your prospects want to have you along for the ride.  If they are not on a mission, then you can divert them into doing something that you want to do (i.e., your mission for the day like looking for a birthday gift for your sister).

Second in order to keep their energy high, you must constantly pump buying temperature as you go through the phases of your pickup. You should number close in the middle of the social interaction and not towards the end. That way, if there is an external interrupt, you already have the number and can pick it back up later that day or the next day.

Game at universities is played exactly the same as anywhere else.  In fact, it’s actually easier because it creates this social environment where it’s natural to be meeting new people constantly.  Sit at the lunch tables at your campus center and just number close every prospect that sits near you.  You have to calibrate though…because it is day game, not venue game.

1. Overcoming Weaknesses
2. Low Value Prospects vs. High Value Prospects

You should never feel like a prospect is too good for you to approach.  People sometimes feel shy because they feel unworthy or do not want to say something stupid and make themselves look bad in front of somebody they consider to be high value.  In reality, you are placing too much value on the way somebody looks.  We are all human, with the same insecurities, flaws, and troubles.  Simply because a prospect looks good, doesn’t necessarily mean she has very much else going for her.  Furthermore, some of the hottest people can be severely insecure despite the front they put up at the venues.  You should approach every set without any preconceived notions about how you think they will react because you never know how they are going to react until after you’ve opened.

Furthermore, with all these skills you’ve learned in this book, you should be able to handle whatever she throws at you.  Finally, you should always be focused on the skill and never on one prospect in particular.  The best way to become good at this game is to approach as many groups as possible and to challenge yourself further and further every time you go out.  One of the ways you have to challenge yourself is to approach prospects you would never imagine yourself approaching in the past.  This will help you get over your fear, approach anxiety, and expand your options in the types of people that you can date.

If you see a prospect and are too afraid to approach, there is a rule that you must approach regardless of the logistics and even if you have been hovering.  This prevents you from giving yourself excuses not to approach.

1. Not Approaching

Future networkers will test out what they learned out in the field and realize that no technique works 100% of the time and that there is no such thing as failure as long as you learned something from it and improve.  Chumps will blame the technique or feel that there is something wrong with them that results in a lack of success instead of realizing that they just need to improve on their execution and personal development (i.e., lifestyle, frame control, state, self-image).

The first plateau you will hit will be approach anxiety. This is the fear to approach stemming from the fear of rejection or the fear of being judged by others around. There are various theories and methods of getting past this barrier including warm-up groups, gradual desensitization, hypnosis, confidence tapes, re-framing, and techniques to control your emotions. The bottom line is that you have to go out and practice and the fastest way to get good is to open as many groups as possible and be constantly pushing and challenging yourself to go further than you thought possible.  Again, if you see a set and you are afraid to open, that means you HAVE to open regardless of the logistics or any other excuse you have in your mind.

Every set should be opened, especially when you’re first starting.  Every set and every social interaction is a chance to learn something and improve your skill.  Furthermore, even groups you are not attracted to will build your social proof in the venue and can help you open other groups either as a pivot (a female wingman) or through merging groups (introducing two groups to each other further building your social proof, creating jealousy between people, and keeping the obstacles busy).

Do not take any interaction personally.  You never know what situation the set that you are opening is in.  Maybe they had a tragedy in their life.  Maybe her boyfriend just fought with her prior to getting into the venue.  Maybe they are not even into men.  If you get blown out, simply move on to the next set and open.

Every set is a lesson learned.  Even the best of gurus still get blown out of set sometimes.  As you get better in this game, you will get blown out less and less often.  This process can take months or even years of practice going out three or more nights a week.

Meeting people is supposed to be fun. The best stories you will have often involve getting blown out because they are always the funniest. This is about the skill, never about any particular prospect. You should open every set that you see even if you are not attracted to them.  This helps you get over your fear, build a thicker skin against rejection, builds your social proof in the venue, and gives you the opportunity to meet a future friend or even a prospectfriend.

Approaching will improve your game, not reading or studying.  Believing that something about you will prevent you from meeting certain prospects or cause you to be rejected by entire categories of prospects is a limiting belief and simply not true. You can never generalize what type a prospect wants because every individual wants something different.

Who cares what anyone thinks.  If you are practicing your skills, you should be destroying the entire room even if it means getting blown out of every set.  This is about practicing and improving your skill.  The more groups you open every night, the faster you are going to get good at this.

Don’t bother trying to think about what everyone else in the room is thinking about you.  It’s a waste of time because you are not a mind reader and it will make you nervous every time you go out if you always think people are looking at you.  Open every set in the room and even if you got blown out of 20 groups in one night in one bar, that’s 20 groups you’ve learned something from and 20 groups closer to becoming a networker.

If I see a woman who is a perfect 10, I will open every time.  I don’t care who is watching or what anyone else in the room is thinking about me.  Perfect 10’s are so rare that when I see one, I always open regardless of the logistics.  I once followed a 10 into a different restaurant while she was with a guy and a prospect, got her number in front of her friends, and left the restaurant without ordering any food.  Just recently in the venue, there was only one perfect 10 in the room.  She was with her friend, both blondes, both with implants, dancing the entire night onstage on the go-go poll. To talk to her, I simply walked up to the front of the venue, waived her over to me, and opened my set while the entire venue watched.

Go after the people you want and don’t let anything stand in your way, especially not yourself or your limiting beliefs.

The first three groups of the night are only warm-up groups and don’t even count. This means that it usually takes opening three groups sometimes before you are even in state.  Furthermore, even if you get blown out, people might assume that you already knew them and are just moving onto the next group of people to talk to.  As long as you’re unreactive, people cannot necessarily tell that you’ve been blown out.  Some of the best NETWORKERs are always in set.  They will bounce from set to set the entire night and will never be found not in set.

1. Showing Interest

You will have a sense of when you’ve built enough attraction by her indicators of interest and calibration after having enough experience in-field. You must make sure that you qualify her during this time as well.  Qualifying a prospect involves getting to know her and then being genuinely impressed or interested in various aspects about her.  This allows the prospect to know that you are not just attracted to her looks, but her personality and being as a whole as well.  This can be done by asking questions about her and being genuinely impressed by her responses.

“So what else do you have going for you besides your looks?”

“Are you a good prospect or a bad prospect?”

“You know, when I first saw you I had my doubts about you.  But now that I have gotten to know you, you are actually a really cool person.”

“What do you do?”

“What are you doing during the week when you’re not venuebing?”

VIII. Building a Connection

After qualifying the prospect, you can move into building a connection with her (building rapport, vibe, emotional connection). The phases are seamless and often intermix.  Here you are involved in a conversation similar to one that you would have with a new friend.  Here you can ask interview questions as long as you make sure that you talk about the question for at least three to five minutes before moving on to the next question, unless you notice that she is losing interest in this thread, then simply cut the thread and move onto the next one.  Your goal is to get to know her, what she values, and learn what you guys have in common.  It is ideal to do this in isolation.

“So, where are you from?”

“Where did you grow up?”

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“What is your ultimate goal in life?”

“What is your passion?”

“What are you studying?”

“What industry do you work in?”

“If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?”

“What makes you happy?”

“What was the wildest thing you’ve ever done?”

“Have you ever blazed before?”

As mentioned before, you should follow the 90/10 rules where you are talking 90% of the time and she is talking 10% of the time.  Therefore, for every question that you ask, you should be talking at least three to five minutes before asking the next question.  If you and your prospect are truly at the point where you have built enough attraction and are building a connection with her, she will be contributing more to the conversation and you will be talking 50% of the time and she will be talking about 50% of the time as well.

1. Common Interests

As you get to know the other person, you will find out more about her along with her goals, hobbies, interests, history, and passion in life.  These topics will come up naturally in conversation.  If they don’t, you can simply bring up the topic.  When one of these topics arises, you should delve deeper into these topics as they are something your prospect is passionate about, will likely be interested in talking about it, and we’ll give you a better picture about the type of person she is.

There are three basic responses for when she brings up her interests.  You will be an agreement, feel neutral about the topic, or be in disagreement.  Regardless about your feelings on the topic, you can continue the conversation successfully while still being honest about your feelings.

If you agree with her stance on a topic or share in her interests, you will bond and cultivate your connection with her as long as it comes off as sincere.  This is first done by having a positive response.  “Wow!  I would have never imagined I would meet someone here who is an artist.”  You should only agree if you truly do agree or truly share a common interest.  If you start agreeing with everything, then it will come off as insincere.  Furthermore, you won’t be able to back up your response with details, personal stories, or answer her questions about the topic.  Sharing details you know about the topic and your personal stories will validate that you truly do share this common interest.  “I’m really passionate about my art.  I’ve been painting since I was eight.  I’m actually having my art exhibited at a studio this weekend.  I will send you an invite.”

If you are neutral about a topic, you can still continue an interesting conversation by asking the right questions, relating to her indirectly, and showing a genuine interest and curiosity about the topic.  You may be neutral about a topic simply because you don’t know very much about it or have not been exposed to it in your past.  “I really have no artistic ability, which is probably why I admire artists so much.  What kind of art do you do?”  You can relate to her indirectly by talking about stories in the past that relate to her interests or talking about someone in your social circle that is related to her interests.  “I know nothing about art which is strange because I grew up in an artist family with my father being a musician and my mother and architect.  Although, I did just see the Picasso exhibit….”  If you know absolutely nothing about the topic, simply ask her questions about it that delve deeper than what she is telling you on the surface.  “What inspired you to become an artist?”

If you are in complete disagreement on the topic, it is okay to say so.  It will make the times that you are in agreement more sincere.  Also, it is a hiatus for stimulating conversation.  Though, don’t end up in an argument with your set.  If it is headed in that direction, simply cut the thread and move on to a different topic.  It is also possible to relate to her on a different level.  “I have absolutely no artistic ability, but I really admire creative people.  I feel like all successful people are where they are because of their creativity….”

1. Personal Stories

After you have built enough comfort and trust, she will start to open up and may begin telling you personal stories about her life and experiences.  Within these stories, pay attention to hints at the type of person she is, what her interests are, and tangential topics that you can discuss.  You can relate to her stories in the same manner as discussed in the prior section.  For example, you can tell similar stories that you have experienced in the past, relate to something she talks about in her stories, or simply ask questions about what she is talking about.  If she begins talking about depressing or tragic situations, show empathy, cut the thread, and then change the topic.  You want your interactions with her to be positive.  You don’t want her to associate negative feelings with being around you.

You should share personal stories about your life as this will build comfort along with her trust in you as she gets to know you as a person.  As mentioned before, telling personal stories can be related either directly or tangentially to the stories she shares with you.  For example, if she talks about some hardship in her past, you can go ahead and share a hardship in your past.  Be cautious not to mention any demonstrations of lower value or other stories that will reflect poorly on you.  This includes stories of you being jealous, psychotic, violent, needy, emotionally unstable, mean, used, etc.  The exception is if she reveals something about her that makes her vulnerable or in a position to be judged poorly.  Then, it would be okay to relate to her and can be important for her to feel comfortable around you.

Your personal stories should reflect a wide variety of topics and give a broad picture about the type of person you are and the values you have.  Your stories should demonstrate your value and be interesting.  They should carry emotional ups and downs to capture your audience.  Humor is a plus when appropriate.

Calibrate your stories to the situation and person you are talking to.  When the mood is up, don’t bring down the crowd by telling a tragic story about your hamster dying when you were 6.  On the other hand, if the mood is low you can empathize with your set with a personal story or choose to lighten up the mood with a happier topic.  You can calibrate your stories by watching the reaction of your audience.  For example, if you are talking to a librarian and she starts wincing or wandering off during your story about dropping ecstasy at the rave last weekend, you should cut that thread and change the topic to your trip to the local art museum yesterday.  By having a wide variety of stories and life experiences to talk about, you should be able to relate to almost anyone out there from all walks of life.

Telling stories can reveal different aspects of your life.  Topics of stories can include your family, friends, childhood memories, hopes, dreams, goals, hobbies, sports, recent events, travel, pets, school, your evolution, recent revelations you’ve had, funny things that have happened to you, events you have been to, interesting interactions you’ve had with people, or even what you had for breakfast.  You don’t have to be a world traveler to tell interesting stories.  Everyone has a story to tell.  This includes the person you are talking to.

iii. Genuine Curiosity

Having a genuine curiosity about the people around you is the general attitude to have when getting to know someone.  Everyone has a story to tell and when you get that story from them, they will feel connected to you.  For some, being understood is one of the greatest feelings you can give them.  These stories may come out naturally.  If not, you can elicit these stories either by asking them or revealing your own personal stories first to entice them to share theirs as well.  For example, if you want to know about their family, you can simply ask, “Do you have any siblings?”  The other option is you can simply talk about your siblings first and then ask, “What about you? Any brothers or sisters?”  Here are some topics you can reveal about yourself or ask her about.

What kind of style do you like on guys?

What was your best job?
What was your worst job?
What kind of work do you do?

Do you have a best friend?

Who is your favorite actor/actress/singer?

What kind of movies do you like?

What pushed your life in this direction?

Ever done drugs before?

Where do you like to shop?

How do you like to relax?

Are you romantic?

Have any pets?

Do you work out?

What is your drink?

What were you like as a child?

Have you ever been cow tipping?

What is your favorite movie?

Do you like coffee?

Where have your traveled to?

Where would you like to travel?

What was the best country you’ve been to?

Have you ever kissed a prospect?

Do you have any tattoos/piercings?

Do you play video games?

Where do you like to venue?

What is your passion?

What are you studying?

Where were you born?

What’s your nationality?

What languages do you speak?

Where did you grow up?

Do you have any brothers or sisters? What are they doing?

Are you single?

What languages do you speak?

What kind of food do you like?

What are you celebrating?

Are you superstitious?

Do you think men understand people?

Are you a trusting person?

What do you like to do when you are out with your friends?

What do you like to do on the weekends?

Are you artistic?

What do you like to do for fun?

Where do you like to hang out?

Do you like going to museums?

Are you into fashion?

Do you play any sports?

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Can you shoot pool?

What kind of music are you into?

What bands do you like?

Do you like dancing?

Can you cook?

Did you hear about (current event)?

What did you do this morning?

What would you do if you won a million dollars?

Would you ever want to be famous?

What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?

Are you close with your family?

What did you hate most about your ex?

What is your dream?
What makes you happy?
Are you a spiritual person?

What were you like as a child?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
What was the happiest moment of your life?
What was your dream job as a child?
What are your friends like?

What do you look for in your friends?
What values do you hold most deeply?
What are the most important things in life?
What is the meaning of life?
Do you believe in soul mates?

Do you believe in true love?

Do you believe in romance?

What are you passionate about?

What did you dream of becoming when you were younger?

What was your most embarrassing experience?

What was your wildest experience?

Do you believe in ghosts?

What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever done?

What television character do you most relate to?

What is your favorite holiday?

What the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

Do you have any talent?

What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve heard?

Ever dated someone you met from a venue?

Tell me about yourself?

The list of possible questions goes on indefinitely.  You should never come to the point where you have nothing to talk about or have nothing to say.  When you ask a question, you should be ready to answer it as well.  Have something interesting to say or a good story ready when you ask a question.  Delve deeper into questions rather than rattling off question after question like an interview.  For example, if you are going to ask about her siblings, you can follow-up with what they are like, what they are doing, where are they, their relationships, and stories about you and your siblings.

1. Tactics and Techniques
2. Lock Yourself into Set

This is done by sitting with her set or leaning against a wall/bar.  This maneuver makes it look like the people are hitting on you and you look like the most comfortable person in the set.  The time to do this maneuver is when you have hooked your set.

1. Isolation

Pull your prospect into isolation either by having a wing take care of the obstacle for you, moving her to a different location in the venue, or simply getting into a focused conversation with her and ignoring everything else around you.

1. Move Your Set

Attempt to move prospects to different locations in the venue.  This will help to build trust and comfort with her as she will feel she has been to different places with you and nothing bad has happened as well as simply building attraction with her in different settings.

“Come with me to the bar.  I need a drink.”

or

“It’s hot in here.  Let’s go outside.”

or

“I feel like dancing.  Let’s go.”

iii. Give and Take

People want a man who is a challenge, but at the same time will only chase someone who they perceive as attainable.  This feeling is created by give and take.  You should have the feeling that you are the prize (take) and that you are giving her the chance to win you over.  As you get to know her better and build a connection with her, you start to be genuinely impressed with her character and attributes and let her know (give).

Give and take is scattered throughout the social interactions in this book.  For example, even in opening direct, you state your interest from the start (give) and then qualify her to find out what else she has going for herself (take).

When you say, “I love you, you are so fun!” you are giving.  When you calibrate that statement with, “I can’t even talk you now,” you take.

You tell her, “Oh my god! I love blondes (give).” Next, follow-up with, “My first prospectfriend was a blonde.  I can’t even be around you now (take)!”

This back and forth social interaction creates a lot of exciting emotions in people along with intrigue.  She will feel the chase and this makes you into the prize.  Have the prospect game you.

1. Instant Value

There are various ways to create value quickly while you are in set.  A lot of the techniques described above will demonstrate value quickly.  For example, cold reading will give her insight about herself.  Another way of giving her insight about herself is through palm reading, dream interpretation, and handwriting analysis.  There is a lot of material out there that will at least give you a structure and basis to improvise off of.

Another way of demonstrating value quickly and easily is with simple magic tricks.  Be careful not to end up the entertainment for the night or end up looking like you are trying too hard to impress people.  Something simple and quick like making a coin or straw disappear in the middle of your set would suffice if you choose to do magic.

1. Control Your Internal Frame

Controlling your internal frame is a complicated process of controlling your self-image, your emotions, and how you interpret external events.

Controlling your self-image equates to confidence on many levels.  The first step is to stop sending any negative statements to yourself.  This includes stopping statements like:

I am dumb.

I am ugly.

I’m a nerd.

I’ll never be able to do this.

I could never pull that off.

I can’t do this.

I’m a loser.

Prospects don’t like me.

I have nothing good to say.

Anything that would bring your confidence down or limit yourself, you need to cut out of your life.  Don’t say these things out loud or to yourself any longer.  Nobody is perfect.  It doesn’t help you to focus on deficits you may or may not have in reality.  Thinking about these things will only build more anxiety and self-doubt and will only get in the way.  There are enough obstacles out there already.  Don’t let yourself or your brain become another one.  Instead, focus on continual improvement.  Whether it’s your fashion, lifestyle, income, knowledge-base, humor, social skills, fitness, etc., you should always have the goal of constant improvement.  For example, if fitness is your concern, you can join a gym.  If you are not a naturally funny person, you can take a comedy improvisation class.

Instead, focus on all the positive aspects of your personality and character that you are proud of.  Think about your accomplishments in your life along with the direction you are headed.  Think of the way you help others including the roles you play as a good friend.  Think about how you support your family.  Are you a kind, caring person?  Are you funny and easy to get along with?  Everyone has something they can be proud of.  This is the root of having confidence.

When you hold your internal frame, not only will you no longer send negative statements to yourself, but when other people say them to you, it will have no effect.  Specifically, if someone calls you a loser and internally you have already cleared that possibility out of your mind, it will no longer make sense to you and will not affect you.  Instead, you will see the shortcomings of the other person that causes them to feel the need to put people around them down or see a flaw in the interaction you had with them to cause them to react like that.

This is a way of controlling how you interpret external events like someone putting you down.  The key aspect of self-improvement is to stop blaming other people.  Never blame the prospect for a failed interaction.  For example, instead of blaming the prospect saying she was really mean, instead, think about what you did to cause her to react like that and how you could have approached her different to get a better reaction.  Thinking about interactions this way will help you in future interactions with other people as well as prevent you from continually making the same mistakes over and over again.  Again, never blame the prospect.  Furthermore, don’t dismiss failed interactions telling yourself that you didn’t want the prospect anyways.  This is sour grapes and prevents you from learning from your interaction.  As long as you learned something from your interaction, then your approach was not a failure.

Sour grapes and blaming others are ways your mind is trying to protect your ego.  Unfortunately, doing this prevents you from improving.   A better way to protect your ego is to understand that failed interactions are simply a result of mistakes in your social interactions and nothing personal about you.  Furthermore, you are in the process of learning these social skills and mistakes are guaranteed to happen, a vital part of the learning process, and something that will get better with time and practice.  The more mistakes you make with more people, the faster you will get better at this.

Control your emotions.  The better you are able to control anger, fear, jealousy, envy, depression, sadness and thoughts of revenge, the better you will be able to control your internal and external frame.  Each of these emotions has a way to deal with them so that they don’t interfere with your frame, obstruct your interactions with people, or get you into trouble.

Controlling anger is vital.  First, you must understand that controlling your anger benefits you in that you won’t have to spend that time feeling negative emotions, it isn’t productive, and can lead to brash decisions that will get you into trouble.  If you are starting to feel anger, cut that emotion within 2 minutes and think about something else.  Have empathy or understanding for the people you are angry at and try to understand their perspective.  If something goes wrong in your day, think about how to fix it and realize that most of the time it’s not as big of a deal as you are making it out to be.  Controlling your anger is a selfish motivation in that you don’t have to put yourself through those negative emotions.  If you spend your time feeling angry, there is no way you can feel happy at the same time.

Jealousy will hold you back in life.  Instead, think about how you can get to where successful people are.  Also, you should focus on what you can learn from successful people rather than trying to put them down or bring them down.  If you are jealous over a specific situation, try to understand the other person’s perspective.  Furthermore, it is often better to let things go and move on for your own mental and emotional health rather than plunging yourself deep into thoughts of jealousy leading up to brash decisions and words you can’t take back.

Revenge is a vicious cycle.  If you attempt to get revenge, you will oftentimes dig yourself a deeper hole of drama, headache, and trouble.  You spent all that time and energy getting revenge when you could have moved on, forgotten it, and found happiness in some other activity.  The time you spent thinking about revenge and carrying it out, you are in a state of anger and other negative emotions.  Lastly, if you end up in a fight, there will be consequences.  You may lose the person you are fighting with in a relationship.  If you end up in a physical altercation, like in a venue with a guy, then you could end up in jail, sued, or dead.  It’s not worth it.  The person you are fighting with isn’t worth it and the reason you are fighting is not worth it most of the time.  If someone wants to fight you, walk away.

If someone is physically trying to hurt you and you have to protect yourself or you have to protect your family from real harm, you should find a solution that won’t result in consequences for you or your family.  You can still stand up for yourself either by being assertive or simple ignoring the situation and walking away.  Both show that you are confident, mature, and above getting angry or taking revenge.  People that see this know you have emotional control even in the worst situations and can respect that.  You have control over the people around you and yourself.  It shows people that you are not psychotic.  You have the social intelligence to disarm potentially bad or dangerous situations.

Sadness is an emotion that takes time to understand and practice to control.  Normal grieving is perfectly acceptable and important to your mental health.  If there is a death in your family or something truly tragic has happened to you or your loved ones, it is perfectly normal to be sad.  To be sad on a daily basis without cause is rooted from deeper seeded issues that it is in your best interest to deal with.  One way of doing this is to understand that there are 2 ways to view situations and the world in general.  In your daily life, you can focus on the negative or positive aspects.  Are you telling yourself negative thoughts about how much you hate the commute/work/life?  Instead, think about how you can make your commute more productive like listening to books on tape or finding something humorous to listen to.  Stay positive at work and in your interactions with your co-workers.  Think about all the blessings you have and if you are dissatisfied with your life, then work on how you can improve it and plan your life in that direction.  Cut out negative thoughts by discontinuing negative thoughts about yourself, cutting off negative people around you, and stop listening to news events if they are making you depressed.  Instead, if there is a cause you are sad about, you can spend that time giving back, donating, or volunteering to help that cause instead of simply being depressed about it.

If the above doesn’t resolve your issues, it is a good idea to look for help in other ways.  Find a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or loved one that can help direct you to what you need to get better.  There are people that want to help you, but first you have to want that help.

1. Control Your External Frame

Controlling the external frame involves controlling the underlying tone, meaning, and direction of the conversation and your interactions with people.  Ignoring negative people and comments is a way of controlling the interaction.  You are not letting their negativity affect you.

You can control the direction of the conversation by simply ignoring comments/questions/topics you don’t like and simply changing the topic.  The other way to control the conversation is the answer negative questions or questions you don’t want to answer any way you wish.  For example, if a prospect asks you, “Why are your friends such losers?”  You can simply reply, “Yah my friends are wild aren’t they?”  The other possibility is to ignore the question by not responding to it and changing the topic.  “This drink tastes like fruit punch.”

Intentionally misinterpret what people say or simply agree with it quickly and move on.  If someone calls you a player, simply smile and respond, “Yup!” and move on to the next topic.  The other option is to misinterpret the underlying meaning about what she is saying.  “So what is it that draws you to players?  You like the challenge don’t you?”

1. Getting Her Contact Information

As you improve in your skills and develop as a person, you will have more and more time bridges (phone numbers, e-mails, personal websites, planned dates, etc.) and occasionally bounce locations, fool’s mate, or pull.  You will start compiling a list of numbers you collect and will soon discover that a lot of these numbers are not solid.  The prospect is not as friendly or sometimes don’t even remember who you are. At this point, you realize that you have to continue to develop your skills and personal development and build more attraction and rapport so that the number is solid prior to calling.

Close EVERY SET. YES, I mean EVERY set…even the groups you think you have a 0% chance of closing…close that set. Ask every set for their number regardless of how you think the set went or even if you don’t even want the number…just close every set.  The reason for this is that you need to practice closing.  Plus, you can’t always judge what the prospect is thinking.  Maybe the prospect really likes you but is just really shy or doesn’t really express her emotions outwardly.  Finally, every set may end up being new friends, pivots, or a prospectfriend.  Not attempting to close will give you a 0% chance of seeing them again for sure. At least if you tried to close, you had some chance. You don’t lose anything by trying and getting shot down, but if you never ask, then you will never know what could have been.

How do you close?  I get asked this all the time. It’s simple….4 words…”give me your number.” say it like a statement, not a question. Hand her your cell or give her a pen.

“It was nice chattin’ but I gotta get back to my friends. You seem like a cool person…give me your number.”

or

“I’ll let you know about the party this weekend, give me your number.”

or

“Let’s hang…give me your number.”

or

“I wanna get to know you better…give me your number”

Whatever you want to say, it doesn’t matter, you only need 4 words, “give me your number,” easy as that.  The best time to close is usually in the middle of the conversation when her buying temperature is up and she has hooked.  If you end up number closing towards the end of the conversation, be sure to continue talking for at least five minutes after you’ve number closed so that she does not feel she has just been picked up. There is no way to trick a prospect into giving you a solid number.  The only way this will work out is by running solid game and creating real attraction from your prospect.

I’ve closed prospects in front of their mom, aunt, brother, sisters, roommates, classmates…whatever…it doesn’t matter.  If it’s really something that she’s sensitive about, like her boyfriend is standing next to her, then have her whisper her number into your ear or something else discrete or move her some place more private before you number close.

1. Talking to Her on the Phone

Similar to approach anxiety, you will experience “phone anxiety” where you are afraid to call due to a fear of rejection.  You end up not calling numbers back or ending up calling numbers back days or even weeks later to the point that the momentum is lost or she forgets who you are.  Never hold too much value into any one number.  If the number doesn’t work out, your goal should be to improve your skills out in the field so that your future numbers will be more solid and so that you will have many numbers to call instead of just one.  Phone anxiety is broken through a similar fashion that approach anxiety is broken.  There are many varying theories on phone, text, and e-mail game but less of a consensus among the community as compared to other stages in your development.
Phone game takes a lot of practice just like anything else. There are a lot of different ways to approach phone game, but the bottom line is to practice by running down your list of numbers and talking to people daily. I’ll explain some of the basic principles behind phone game.

I don’t play timing games. There is no such thing as the “2 day waiting rule.” I call whenever I feel like it, which is usually the next day. Sometimes, I will call and just vibe the entire conversation and plan a day 2 the next time I call. Usually, I simply talk about whatever is on my mind, talk about my day, vibe, banter, tell stories, DHV, and plan a date. The best time to ask for a date is while her buying temperature is up on the phone. There is a ton of varying theories out in the community about phone game, a lot of theories that contradict each other as well, but the best way to approach phone game is to simply run solid game with enough attraction and comfort in the field so that you don’t have to “run game” on the phone.  One tactic that you can try out is going out to fun events and simply inviting out prospects to come with you.

Students are always asking me how to “fix” a situation. The answer is…the way to “fix” a situation is to move on to the next set. I know this is not the answer you wanted to hear.  It is difficult to recover from a poorly ran set, even more so over the phone.  It is better to take away a lesson from the set and not make the same mistakes again, and put the effort into opening more groups rather than trying to go back and repair prior groups.  In order to be successful, you have to maintain an abundance mentality.  The goal is to be out practicing constantly and gaining the skill rather than focusing on any one particular woman.  Go out and practice until you get to the point where you have MANY numbers you need to call, then this one particular number won’t matter to you any more.

If you call her from a frame where you feel like it is awkward, you will make her feel awkward on the phone talking to you. Don’t assume that she is not attracted to you because you don’t know.  Maybe she feels the exact opposite and actually feels you are assertive and the type of guy that gets what he wants. You must always assume attraction in everything you do from approach to finish.

If she doesn’t pick up and you reach her voice mail, you can leave a simple message like, “What’s up.  This is Rev, call me back.”  She already has your number from caller ID so you don’t have to leave it in the message.  If she doesn’t call you back, you can try again the next time you run down your list of numbers.  One technique you can try if she is not calling you back is to try saying a message like, “What’s up.  This is Rev, call me back.  I got something I want to tell you.”   This will pique her curiosity and may increase your chances of her calling you back.  Another tactic that may help your call-back rate is to be out doing something while you leave a voicemail so that she knows you are out having fun from the background noise or you letting her know what you are doing at the time before you start your message.  The bottom line is that cutting down your flake rate is mainly done by running solid game prior to number closing.

Another way to cut down on your flake rate on phone calls is to text the prospect a message the same night that you meet her.  For example, after you’ve left the venue you can text something like, “It was nice chillin’ with ya.  Goodnight superstar!”  Depending on your interaction with the prospect during the time that you got her number, you should leave a message that is memorable, something related to the time you spent together, call her a pet name like Princess or dork, but don’t ask her on a date or imply future plans together using text messaging.  This will bridge the gap between meeting her and calling her.  It will also give her your number on caller ID so that when you call her she will know who it is.

 

XIV. Work Book and Missions

You have already completed the first step by admitting that you need help and then looking for help here.  You have read a book that will jumpstart the process of becoming a master at opening.  You are now ready to begin practicing in the field.  Each step below will take one week each if you go out four nights a week or two weeks each if you go out only twice a week.  Keep a journal that you will write/type in after you are done going out for the night.  It will be like a field report but you are to include things that you had done well followed by things that you need to improve and questions that you have.

Step 1

Pick one canned opinion opener and open at least one set with it every night.

Step 2

Make a cheat sheet with several different opinion openers as well as other canned routines you’d like to try out in the field eventually.  One way to do this is to type all the routines you like and shrink it down into a nine point font, print it out, cut it out, and stick it in your wallet.  You will now be opening at least two groups every time you go out with a different canned opinion opener each time.

Step 3

This week you will be opening at least three groups every time you go out.  Using your cheat sheet, pick two or three routines that you are going to use in a row as a routine stack.  They can even be three opinion openers.  If you have successfully hooked the set, do not eject.  Go ahead and try to continue to be in set on your own even if it means using chump, interview questions.  Simply talk about anything and attempt to keep this set running as long as possible until they leave.

Step 4

This week you will open at least three groups every time you go out.  Decide which openers you’d like to use and open with that.  From this point on, you are going to freestyle your groups.  You can use any of the canned routines or simply attempt to go natural talking about anything, but reverting back to using a  canned routine if you are starting to lose your set/you are getting indicators of disinterest.

Step 5

This week you will open at least three groups every time you go out.  You will do all the techniques mentioned in step four, but now you are required to stay in set and remain standing there regardless of the reaction of your set.  Whether your set is ignoring you, being mean to you, or giving you continuous indicators of disinterest, you must plow through and continue talking.  This will help you grow a thicker skin which is a must in this game.  You are not allowed to leave the set until the set walks away from you.  Again, if you can not remember any routines, simply ask questions and attempt to talk at least three to five minutes about the question before moving on to the next one.

Step 6-7

Your goal now should be to make your groups last longer and longer each time.  You can now experiment with other types of canned openers.  Use every type of opener at least once this week and next week.  You will be opening at least four groups every time you go out.  Attempt to pull your prospect into isolation either by having a wing take care of the obstacle for you, moving her to a different location in the venue, or simply getting into a focused conversation with her and ignoring everything else around you.

Another goal you are to have these two weeks is to lock yourself into set.  This is done by sitting with her set or leaning against a wall/bar.  This maneuver makes it look like the people are hitting on you and you look like the most comfortable person in the set.

Step 8

You will open at least five groups every time you go out.  You will use any canned routine to open.  You will barrel through until the set leaves.  You are now required to ask for a phone number from every set that hooks.  You can do this in the middle of a conversation, during a high point in the conversation (i.e., she is laughing, etc.).  Make sure to use kino this week and from now on and escalate.

Step 9

You will now open six groups every time you go out.  These groups are to include at least one set with two or more people and you must approach the hottest prospect in the room regardless of the logistics or any other excuses you come up with.  You will continue to barrel through until the set leaves or you get a phone number.  Continue to use kino and attempt to move prospects to different locations in the venue.

Step 10

You will open eight groups every time you go out following all the same rules as before.  You are required to continue using canned routines for at least half your groups, but can begin trying out original forms of your favorite canned routines.  Continue to use kino and move prospects around the venue.

Step 11

You will open 10 groups every time you go out.  You will use a mix of canned and original material when opening.  You will continue to barrel through and not eject unless you number close or the set walks away from you.  You will introduce groups that you met to each other (merge your groups together).  If you have a solid hook, attempt to bounce the set to another location.  For example, you can mention that you are hungry and tell them to come with you to a late-night diner for a quick bite.

Step 12

You are now at least three months into this game.  It is at your discretion whether you prefer using canned routines, your own original material, or a mix of both.  Continue to challenge yourself by approaching types of people you have never approached before in the past.  Attempt opening mixed groups and large groups of people (three or even more).  Continue to merge groups together and attempt bouncing groups to another location like a diner or another bar/venue.  At this point, you have conquered your fear of approach, learned the structure of canned routines, and have learned how to make your own canned routines that are effective in-field.  You are more than just a master at opening, you’re well on your way to becoming a networker.  Congratulations!

XIV. Conclusion

Social distortion is a phenomenon that is occurring more frequently as the community grows. This sometimes occurs when people read theory and practice on their own without any help or guidance when they are stuck at a plateau. They have a picture in their mind of how they THINK the techniques are supposed to be executed and are running game without anyone to show them how it’s supposed to be done or correcting their mistakes.  They continue down a path of running a gross misinterpretation of game.  Some other members of the community become more intent on leading men (running lairs, giving advice, writing articles) without ever getting past being an average, frustrated guy.  They gain self-satisfaction and an ego boost from leading men rather than attaining any true personal development or attempting to reach any set goals.

What stage are you at? What are you going to do to get to the next level?  If you are stuck at a plateau, it is absolutely imperative that you seek help from a member of the community that is better than you or from a boot camp. Make sure that your boot camp is taught by a coach who is established in the community and is known to have been successful in helping their students reach their goals as more and more self-proclaimed pickup gurus and coaches with questionable abilities to pick-up or teach are popping up that seem more interested in marketing and money rather than helping people.

1. Helping Others

After you are a NETWORKER and have reached the goals you have set for yourself, it is important to maintain some level of humility so that you can continually learn and develop.  Don’t forget where you came from and be patient in helping others. Give back to the community that has helped you so much.

Life is an adventure.  Go out and take what is rightfully yours.  As long as you are motivated, dedicated, and persistent, you will find happiness and personal fulfillment.